Thursday, 20 May 2010


And so it's finally happened. We've not been in a good position to pay our mortgage for a while now, and what with the landlord for our place in Cambridge being horrid to us, we've still not been able to pay up the full amount on our mortgage.

It's not like we're not trying.

I've got a good paying job, but with the rent on the wrong house, and the long commutes, it was impossible to keep our house and stay in Cambridge. I got a job in London, working for quite a good company, on a reasonable wage, but the landlord decided he'd stick us in the ribs with "the letter of the law" about the rental agreement, and wouldn't take our month's notice. In fact, he unkindly demanded that we "pay up all the rest of the rent, then we could go."

So, I'm now living on London on £0 a week (cycling to work, eating at other people's expense and living in a place without paying rent). My family are living in the house that is 250 miles away, and now has a repo order on it. Every time I think about the situation, I wonder how it's possible that I can't afford to live. Every time I take out the spreadsheet and calculate our outgoings, I can balance it, but can't make a profit. It's like I'm missing something. Other people manage to get by on half the wage! I think I'd be better off out of work. At least then I could live off a pittance at home with my family rather than just about getting by, only seeing them once a week.

I'm tired and angry and upset, but at least I've still got my family. One day this will all be okay and we'll look back and think that it was hard, but in the end everything was okay. Sometimes I'm lucky, I've never been one for the gamblers falacy, and I'm still not, so I don't think I deserve any bad luck, but also don't think I deserve any good luck either. I would just like some, and soon.

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